“To win at relationships, don’t keep score.”
Wow, that made sense to me. When personal relationships turn south, sometimes it is because we are keeping score–counting what we do for another and contrasting that with what little is done for us in return. When we start to keep score in a relationship, the relationship is doomed. Just as we want to win in an athletic event, we want to “win” in our relationships. Well, as the sign indicated, “to win at relationships, don’t keep score.”
Many women with high SUCCESSTROGEN levels enjoy competing athletically and keeping score, but when it comes to their relationships, they and their spouse or partner know enough to not to keep score. They each enjoy giving and being emotionally available to the other. They do not keep score of who does what. They are not interested in competing or “winning” , they are just interested in being in and contributing to the relationship.
Generally, I do not feel I keep score of who does what in my relationships with my girl friends or man with whom I may be romantically involved. I am a “giver” by nature and enjoy giving. However, I “keep score” in a different way that can be problematic. I tend to be excited about someone new in my life and initially “score” the person high even though I am aware of significant behavioral or value differences between us…differences that I know over time will make our relationship difficult to sustain. As you would expect, at some point, the differences become more prominent, widening the gap between us, and straining the relationship.
I would like to get better at assessing the weight of the differences earlier in the game and perhaps decide not to enter into the relationship at all, or be more effective at communicating the differences and work to establish agreement between us so we can positively impact each others life.
And what about you? Give some thought to the relationships you are in…are you keeping score?