There is someone new in my life…well sort of….what I mean is…oh dear, I am afraid I am sounding quite “school-girlish.” We haven’t actually met yet! We have been talking on the phone for the past few months, sharing our past and current lives, and talking about world issues. I met him on an internet-dating site, sort of. Allow me to explain.
I have been internet dating on-and-off for 11 years looking for the second love of my life. Last summer, I was on a mission to find someone to enjoy my new city life with, and I agreed to meet 20 men for coffee within a 3-month period. As you can imagine from my ill-fated approach, that did not go well! I declared that I was finished with internet dating and ended my subscription.
After unsubscribing, because of a website malfunction, an email appeared in my inbox, and a kind, brilliant, and resilient man electronically entered my life. I know what you are thinking…”Oh so she hasn’t actually met him yet!” “Sure he’s kind, brilliant and resilient over the phone, but wait till she sees the guy”. Or perhaps you want to warn me that “All the good men are either taken or gay.”
Listen up, ladies! You heard it here: This man is neither taken nor gay. And while we have shared recent photos, I am not concerned one bit about what he looks like, because I feel I have met the inside of him which has created my interest in meeting him. We have discussed everything from our grandparents coming to America, our childhood, early teens, college years, professional background, children and more. He reads SUCCESSTROGEN as a way to better understand who I am. I am not concerned that he is “after one thing and one thing only.” I am not concerned that he is looking for “a nurse or a purse.” Frankly, my concern about meeting him is not about him at all. My concern is about me.
A Curly Girl Design greeting card says: “The real secret to a fabulous life is to live imperfectly with great delight.” I have always treasured that card because while I wasn’t able to enjoy my imperfections at 30 or 40, I do enjoy them at 68! I live life with delight, and live it imperfectly. I plan things and then change them at the spur of the moment when something else distracts me. I sometimes eat before I go out to dinner, write my blog in the middle of the night, and have been known to purchase a dress that I already owned! I probably should have been diagnosed years ago with ADD, yet today as I flit from one thing to another I can only smile at all I get to do in a day! However, a man once told me that I am “physically and mentally” exhausting, an imperfection that was then and could now be a show stopper! I may delight in my imperfections, how will they be perceived by this new person in my life?
A friend, aware of my “imperfect life” suggested that I “tone it down” when my new friend comes to town. I think she meant: pretend to live life more perfectly. But you well know by now, that I am not going to pretend anything. I need this man to enjoy what is me. I need him not only to accept me for who I am — I need him to delight in my imperfections.
Isn’t that what a relationship is all about? Surely it is more than merely accepting people for who they are!!–rather, I believe a relationship is loving someone because of those imperfections, delighting in them.
Can he delight in my imperfections? Will he?
I shall close this blog with the obvious: TO BE CONTINUED!
UPDATE: Our paths crossed this weekend, yet we will each continue to lead the lives we had created before we met. Life is like that sometimes…you have a chance at something but you have to make so many changes in what already is to sample what might be, that you opt to keep what is. Neither of us will ever know what we missed.