Match.com is an online dating service that offers “the perfect match” to men and women in 25 different countries. Hopeful romantics, like me, create their profile explaining who they are and what they are looking for in their “ideal match.” It is as simple as that: post and find your soul male.
Well it hasn’t exactly worked out that way for me. As soon as I see anyone reasonably attractive among the weekly matches, I begin to doubt that the photo is current. The photo looks forty/fiftyish when the man is actually sixty/seventy-ish, indicating he suffers from a lying disorder. Forty year old men cannot wait to post their photo because they still look cool and sexy. By contrast, sixty year old men can’t wait to get laid and therefore post a photo of when they were younger and better looking. It is far from a perfect system.
In addition to the photo problem, the experience tends to be humorous as each and every male presents himself as physically toned, romantic, and energetic–Not honest OR romantic OR energetic– he says he is ALL of those. I have been on and off Match.com for the past 14 years and I have yet to meet a man who is all three of those qualities. I want a man for whom I can purchase a “cape and tiara” so together we can save the world. That man has not signed up on match.com yet.
I keep falling into the match.com trap. Just last week, I was ready to again announce that I met someone. Unlike most of the men, he did not write about how romantic he is. He didn’t talk about how good he is in bed, those little blue pills, or some new kind of gel. We had a lengthly and interesting phone call. The next morning, a text message appeared from him: “…wanted to share a song I heard this morning.” I heard the beautiful sound of birds chirping, no words, just the birds. I listened to that message several times that day. It was the most romantic message I have ever received. Was this perhaps the man of my dreams?
Well, he wasn’t. Saving you the details, just know the chemistry wasn’t there. You cannot wish or manufacture chemistry. Chemistry is something you have to feel, it is either there or it isn’t. And most important, when it isn’t there, it isn’t indicating a negative about either person, but rather indicating together you likely do not have the makings of a good team.
I put a high price tag on the value of chemistry in my personal and professional relationships. I don’t try to wish it or pretend it is there when it isn’t. I think my ongoing electronic search for the perfect mate is coming to an end (“Finally!”, my children would add). After 15 years, it is time for me to live my life, following the words of Paula Coelho,
“Love can only be found through the act of loving.”
Imagine if I stopped wasting time reviewing my “weekly matches” and instead spent more time loving others by helping them find their way. If I spent more time helping others develop personally and professionally and feel good about themselves, I will be living out my personal mission and when I am doing that I am truly full and happy, even without a soul mate. I think I have spent some mis-guided energy over the past few years and now it is time to put the search for a mate aside, and instead search for chances to help others find happiness. And for all I know, maybe, just maybe, Paula Coelho is right.
Gotta go, lot’s to do.