Out of Control

 

 

 

Cancer is the result of cells that have gone out of control; the cells have literally run amok!  I have  breast cancer, meaning  my cells out of control.  While this diagnosis is new to me, being out of control is way too familiar.

Sometimes my eating is out of control. I know it when it happens because I have an  upset stomach, my weight is up, and there’s a gross extra layer of flab hanging over my waistline that wasn’t there the week before.   As I stare at my not -so-flattering mirror image, eating half a coconut cake comes to mind, as well as a few too many Almond Joys.  That recollection fuels my need to quickly throw out any left over junk food, start a daily/early morning abs workout, swim laps , and add steps to my usual 15K until I get control of my eating, until I look and feel good again.  I know I am out of control when I  ask the kids about their Easter plans and they remind me it is only August,  when my daughter likes a certain shampoo and I send her 6 bottles, and I recently experienced being out of control when I found a great pair of leggings for travel, and I bought 6 pair for my friends!

My kids describe me as  “over the top”, but it means the same thing…too much spontaneous action, no regard for consequences, a.k.a. “out of control.” I am the problem and the cause and frankly, I and only I, am the solution.

However,  my out of conrol cells present a different problem.  I cannot fix my cancer. I cannot calm down the out of control cells, or make the malignant ones disappear.   I cannot fix this by being less impulsive.   I need to rely on someone else, apparently a team of someone elses, to get things back under control.

As high successtrogen women, women who have clearly defined success for themselves,  we know when somethng  is out of control  and whenever we can, we face it and fix it.  When something needs to be fixed by someone else, someone more skilled, with an expertise that we don’t have, we go to them quickly and we  put our problem in their hands.  We don’t hesitate.

This week I am putting my life in the hands of others to get my cells back in control once and for all.  And while they are busy tending to the task, it would be wise for me  to get the eating and shopping in control once again as well as once and for all.

Advertisements

2 responses to “Out of Control

  1. Mary Ann, I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I think of you often and all the comic relief you brought to our Africa adventure…you were truly a life saver for me. I feel confident you will find the right people to put your cells back in control and I have no doubt, those people will be blessed by having the opportunity to work with you! Sending love from Washington.

    Teri

  2. My prayers and good wishes are with you and your team. I miss you.
    Love Susan

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s