Tag Archives: Communication Skills

An Elevator Challenge

Every four months, I see the dental hygienist at 7:00 am.  Yesterday was one of those days.: in at 7:00, out by 8:00.  Late afternoon  I rode the elevator with a woman in my building who asked how my day was going.  “Great!”, I offered, “Starting with the dentist at 7:00, followed by a water workout  at 9:45, and __”, and that was all she needed to hear.

Her two hands immediately shot up, elbows pressing against her sides and fingers spread wide as though she were being arrested. She stopped me in my tracks with, “I cannot believe you were at the dentist office before I even g0t out of bed!” I mistook her words as complimentary about my unusual energy level.  I began to smile and almost made a fool of myself by thanking her, when she blasted me, “Why do you always have to be busy every moment of the day?”  OUCH!  This was no compliment!

Why do you always have to be busy every moment of the day?”

While she was not about to be nationally recognized for her interpersonal skills,  I must admit, her question was noteworthy; as a matter of fact, it haunted me. The impact of her emphasis on the word “busy”, (translation: meaningless) was like being shot with an arrow that hurt like the dickens and needed to be dislodged. The elevator door came to my rescue, she got off, and I was left to remove the arrow.

So call it justification or an over reaction on my part, call it whatever you like, but here is how I removed the sting of her arrow:

I was “born busy”. I have always been busy. Frankly I like that part about me.  I get a lot accomplished in a day. I remember writing “to do” lists (TDL) well before my 10th birthday, thriving on the awesome feeling of crossing off each accomplishment. Back then the items frequently on my TDL were organizing my school supplies, writing a story, or setting up a “store” in my basement).

As I was raising a large family and starting the first of many careers,  I relied on several different TDLs to manage my varied roles of mom, homeowner and business woman. More recently, I graduated to my Alexa version of an electronic TDL–not quite the same crossing off experience, nevertheless it keeps me technologically current.  Recently retired, my TDL seems longer than it should be, wondering how I ever managed to get 5 children off to school, tend to my own business, cook, clean, and attend the kids multi-league basketball functions  throughout the week. I would argue that it is because of my reliance on a TDL, albeit it paper or electronic, that allowed/allows me to get it all done.

So the arrow was removed and I feel better again. But as a high SUCCESSTROGEN woman like yourself, I know that I need to look a bit further into how I am spending my time.  The real issue here and therefore the challenge put forth to me in the elevator, is about purpose, not just being busy doing  things. Throughout my life, I always had a clear, driving purpose: To be a mom, to earn my PhD, to teach at a university, to help Michael manage through his Parkinson’s, and to be instrumental in building a community spirit in my condo.

But what is my purpose now? What am I doing beyond the things listed on today’s TDL to contribute to my community, to help others? High SUCCESSTROGEN women continue to use their skill sets well beyond their motherhood or professional status to help others manage their lives more easily.

Shout out to the woman on the elevator  for posing the question!  I  am reminded that I need to continue the search to be clear on “my who” and “my why.”  When clear on that, I am truly functioning at my best, I am helpful to others, and I feel good about myself.

By the way, enough about me, have  you given any thought to “your  who” and “your why” lately?