Tag Archives: core values



A friend stopped by the other morning  as I was making a batch of waffles.  I usually eat one, because unlike a “stack of pancakes”, one waffle at a time is best. I freeze the rest.  I love Belgium waffles (which incidentally are no where to be found in Belgium) with lots of maple syrup and sometimes when I am really daring, with a bit of whipped cream as well.  I  offered my surprise guest a waffle as my waffle maker does what it is supposed to do quickly and perfectly, every time.  But she declined.

As I ate my waffle, my friend began telling me about the new man in her life with a level of enthusiasm I hadn’t heard in her voice for a long time. She talked about his thoughtfulness, that he is an excellent cook, and has a collection of the top 100 greatest movies of all time!  Every once in a while during the day, he sends her a text simply saying  “thinking about you.”  He makes her laugh out loud, and they enjoy the same restaurants and TV shows.  I couldn’t help but hope that he had a twin brother!

“Wow,” I said.  “Do you think he is the man you have been waiting for all these years?” I expected her to quickly say yes and that she was bringing him this weekend to meet me.

“Oh, I didn’t say that!” she quickly back peddled. “You know he is an agnostic and I am not sure that is a good fit for me. And he isn’t into sports and you know how I love the Sox and Patriots.”

I glanced down at my waffle and couldn’t help but think she was “waffling” on the relationship question.  Just then, the indicator light told me another waffle was ready. I removed the next waffle and put it on a plate in front of her.  And we both laughed.

Much later in the day  I was grinning to myself about the waffle being there just when I needed it, a perfect  prop.  While I enjoy eating a waffle, (the noun), I do not in fact ever waffle, (the verb) on my beliefs or core values.  I may waffle back and forth on what to wear or what movie to see, but not on my values.  High SUCCESSTROGEN women  don’t waffle either.  They  see a problem and relentlessly search for a solution.  If they are entrepreneurial, they don’t waffle back and forth when others think their idea won’t fly or  a spouse or partner suggests that they need to focus on their day job to help support the household. They know their destiny isn’t in their day job.

Sometimes  we waffle with our child who does not want to go to soccer practice. We start off by reminding her that she has a committment to her team.  We start off strong, but in the end, we waffle! We get tired of arguing and dealing with the tears.  She does not go to soccer practice and now we are responsible for helping to  create a behavioral pattern that can have negative consequences.

We may waffle on going to the gym, choosing healthy foods, or drinking too much wine. When we waffle, or go against what we believe we should do, we have negative consequences that we do not welcome. While I don’t waffle on my core values, I do my fair share of waffling on other things, like getting talked into going to some events  I don’t enjoy, or eating a piece of cake when I am not even hungry.

Consider reviewing a  “waffle experience” that causes you the most pain, stop the waffling, and enjoy the positive outcome.  Take it one waffle experience at a time, because, we are a not talking pancakes here– one waffle at a time is best. I think I will do the same.

What’s in Your ToolBox?


There was something wrong with the  hinge on my guest bathroom door.  Not ever having worked in Home Depot and therefore lacking the technical name for the current problem,  I will just say the nail that holds the hinge together so a door can swing freely and close tightly, was sticking up. The hinge was not working.  What was also not working was that a guest using that bathroom couldn’t fully close the door–UGH.

While this may come as a surprise to you, I have a tool box.  Not a serious, metal one with little compartments for nuts and bolts, but a plastic bin into which I have thrown one hammer, a Philips and a regular screwdriver, a measuring tape, tons of batteries, an extra power cord,  and far too unrecognizable things.   Consulting my trusty tool box, I found the hammer,  just the right tool for the job.  Two good swats with the hammer, “hitting the nail on the head” so to speak, and the hinge was fixed.  The hammer was just what I needed.

Recently I had a problem that needed fixing but after trying several different tools, the problem remained a problem I was unable to fix.  Outside of my plastic-bin toolbox,  I have a lot of tools to help me resolve problems.  I have all the energy and determination in the world. I have ears for listening, eyes for observing, and a good brain with which to problem solve. I know how to communicate clearly, how to confront, and how to give positive and constructive feedback.  Usually those tools help me stay true to my values and bring value to others.  In this case, I tried them all, but none worked.  It would have been easy for me to point fingers and put someone else’s name on the problem, but I am aware of an old Chinese proverb that says:

“A bad workman blames his tools.” 

I am aware that many people blame others for their misfortune, lack of success, and their unhappiness.  I have addressed this in previous SUCCESSTROGEN blogs. I suppose it is so much easier to blame something outside of ourselves than to look inward and acknowledge our contribution toward a problem. But women with high SUCCESSTROGEN don’t blame, they assess a situation, look within to see their role in it, attempt to fix it, and then if they cannot, they move on.  No grudges, they just move on.On that, I score high SUCCESSTROGEN.

However, I am very low SUCCESSTROGEN when it comes to moving away as soon as I see the value set is not aligned. Far too often, I try to put the difference in the back of my mind, I try to work around it, because all else looks good.  But it comes back to haunt me every time!  I cannot judge another’s value set but when core values are very different from mine, alignment is not going to happen.  I need alignment of those values with my children and family, on the tennis court, and in every aspect of my life.

Recently, I did not have the right tool to fix a  lack of alignment between myself and another. I was able to identify the gap, but unable to close it and unfortunately, unskilled at working around it. Sometimes  lots of pieces are perfectly aligned, yet one piece is not  and then much like my hinge problem, the door does not swing as it should; it just doesn’t work.

And so, to make a long story short, I had to close a door, and again, walk through the familiar door marked SUCCESSTROGEN where I always feel in alignment, a place where I will devote  more time to reaching more women and helping them develop their SUCCESSTROGEN.

By the way, what’s in your toolbox?